Waiting for our 2nd Little Webb

MY WISH CAME TRUE!!!

2010-09-29T11:06:00.000-07:00

Our little girl arrived into the world in the most beautiful birth experience I could have hoped for. Here is her birth story:

Tuesday (Sept 28) 7 AM – Can’t lay down any longer through the contractions. Pretty sure this is the real thing. Holy cow – I’m in labor!! Rowdy asks “So, uh, am I going to work today?” No question. “Definitely not.” Cody wakes up and mom makes us an awesome eggy breakfast to give us energy for the adventure ahead. I am having to concentrate on the contractions now and really breathe through them. Trying to protect Cody from seeing me in pain, I keep getting up from the table every 5 minutes. I succeed in fooling Rowdy as well – “I thought you were in labor??”

Cody and I cuddle and I tell him that his baby sister is ready to be born. He puts his arms around me during a contraction and with a worried face, tells me I’m going to be OK. A tender moment with my first born baby I won’t ever forget. Things won’t ever be the same again.

As early labor continues, the sun inspires us to get outside to enjoy the beautiful September morning. Cody joined us initially, gave his baby sister one last hug & kiss through my belly, and then was off to preschool. Rowdy and I lingered outside in the gorgeous fall sun and had a fun and relaxed photo session together. Contractions still regular and 5 minutes apart. Think it’s time to finish packing the bags and get ready to go!

12:30 PM – Car is finally packed. Regular midwife appt at 1PM, so that makes the decision of when to go easy. Sitting is not easy and the ride to the hospital was plenty uncomfortable. Glad we left when we did!

1PM – Midwife Liz on call today. I love her! She meets us in the clinic and checks me. 2 cm dialated, and 90% effaced. Confirmation that I am actually truly in labor for real. I am elated. Midwife Chris comes and hugs me. She was always sure it would happen. Liz suggests to head over to Labor & Delivery to “settle in”.

1:45PM – Long walk from car to elevator. As the door opens on the L&D floor, I feel a trickle of fluid down my leg. My water is breaking! Rowdy runs ahead to get the nurses. I proceed to flood the hallway. Confirmation – our daughter was indeed swimming in an Olympic size pool inside of me.

2-5PM – Lots of activity. Buzzing nurses with countless questions and monitor checks, our doula Sadie arrives to help protect space, the labor tub rolls in and the nurses begin to fill it with what seems like a drinking fountain trickle. Contractions getting more intense. Rowdy is my rock to lean on – literally. Accidently chomp down on his nipple – ooops. Sorry honey! That had to hurt.

5-7:30PM – Finally in the tub together. Water feels good, but mostly I am so happy to have a bubble of space that is just for the two of us. We find our rhythm together and Rowdy vocalizes with me to help me stay focused. His low voice keeps me grounded through the waves of contractions that wash over me.

7:30ish – Liz comes in and suggests I get out of the tub so she can check how things are progressing. Moving anywhere sounds REALLY hard. I don’t wanna. Then I feel the urge to push. This seems to light a fire under everyone and I am shepherded out of the tub quite quickly. Liz checks me (for only the 2^nd time!) and I am fully dilated. I so want to kiss her. Now for the next act in this amazing birth drama – it’s time to push my daughter out into the world.

Hard to find the right position to push. End up on my side, with support from Liz and Sadie. This part is crazy hard and intense. Liz talks me through it. Teaches me how to use each contraction to help my baby to move down and out. Ever the over eager student, I keep asking her if that was a “good one”. Rowdy is in my face, helping me reach down and find my inner animal. Face the fire. Walk into the fire. Want to fly away from the pain. Must dive in head first. Hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Please tell me it is working. I feel the top of my baby’s head – so soft and malleable. She’s so close!

8:30 - Fire. FIRE. I only have one more in me. This one MUST be it. Reach beyond anything I thought possible. ROAR ! My inner animal takes over. Her head is out. Thank god. Wow – her body is BIG too! Then it is over. She’s on my chest. WE DID IT!! OUR DAUGHTER IS BORN!!

LOVE. RELIEF. HAPPINESS. LOVE. ELATION. AMAZEMENT. LOVE.

Ella Madrone Webb

September 28^th 8:30 PM

9 lbs 21¼ inches

Welcome to the world, Ella.

We are so happy you are here!

Almost here.... 40 weeks

2010-09-28T04:19:00.000-07:00

This could be it. I've waited so long to feel what labor feels like, and now I think I might just get my chance!
Last night, Rowdy and I went on a 'last hurrah date' while Mom and Lori took Cody to his special water fountain and out for mac-n-cheese at Marco's. We had a lovely dinner sitting outside at Wildwood. While we were there, my contractions started getting more noticeable and frequent. Still in the mildly uncomfortable arena, but definitely all-over contractions, including down low - which I took as a good sign.
After dinner, we walked up to Papa Haydn's to splurge on decadent dessert. The walk was longer than I remembered (10-12 blocks maybe?) and the stronger contractions made it pretty challenging to concentrate on our conversation while walking. Dessert was HEAVENLY - Rowdy had the cheesecake and I had a chocolate truffle cake. Blissful.
Because I haven't been sleeping much lately, I was determined to get real rest. Sadie suggested I take a homeopathic remedy for sleep, so I did and fell into a lovely slumber. The contractions have been strong enough to wake me up throughout the night at times, but afterward I could get back to sleep. Everytime I've gone to the bathroom since bedtime, I've noticed something that could be from my mucus plug. All good signs.
Now I'm up in the moonlight at 4:30 AM ('my' time in recent weeks) because I was thirsty and couldn't stop thinking about labor. It feels eminent, which is a new feeling for me. I welcome the contractions. They are comforting to me, even in their increasing discomfort. I can feel our little girl moving down and squirming against the pressure of the contractions. She usually does a little stretching when each one is over. They are every 6 minutes right now and VERY noticeable (i.e. my breathing changes and I feel the need to move my hips during each one). I will try to get some more rest and then hope for real labor to begin tomorrow.
I can't describe how excited I am to birth our little girl into this world. I have very high hopes that we will hold her in our arms very soon. And while I will be happy however she is born as long as she is healthy and strong, I wish very much to be able to birth her naturally the way my body was designed to do. I can feel how strong my body is and I want to give it the chance to do what it clearly knows how to do. I want to experience the miracle of childbirth - that is my wish.

De Ja Vu again - 39 weeks

2010-09-22T20:56:00.000-07:00

Well, here we are again. Tomorrow is my due date. I have a good sized baby in my belly (just shy of 8 lbs by last estimate), with very little sign that she is preparing to come out. My favorite midwife Chris checked my again on Tuesday and said I hadn't changed since last week. Still barely a fingertip dialated and baby is floating up high. Lots of contractions, but they aren't doing a heck of a lot. Sound oh so familiar??

Chris thinks they will have to help me out in some way before my body can go into labor for real. She is willing to try the balloon method of helping my cervix to dialate (a little fluid filled balloon puts pressure on my cervix - usually gets it to 3 cm), and then try to put a leak in my bag of waters. We decided to wait until late next week before going to such measures.

Last day of work is tomorrow. I wasn't able to complete everything that I wanted to do of course, but I feel like I will be able to leave it behind for awhile and concentrate on this next adventure. Today was a really positive day, as I was getting lots of calls from our field crews to help them troublshoot problems, which made me feel really useful. Bill even said that he was really going to miss having me around to help him bounce ideas off of. I like feeling that they will miss me and be happy to have me back in January. I'll definitely miss the funnest parts of my job - helping to fix the problems in the field. Someday I want to get back out there!

Mom and Lori get here tomorrow. I'm worried that the extra pressure to have a baby sooner rather than later will be stressful. Fingers crossed that all will be well and our baby girl will come of her own accord soon.

Finding my baby zen - 39 weeks

2010-09-17T20:45:00.000-07:00

I think I have finally found a happy place amongst the frequent testing and analysis. It has definitely taken a lot of positive thought and trust in my body, but I now feel confident that my little girl is just fine and while they may say my fluid level is "abnormal", it might just be what normal looks like for me. It helps that my AFI hasn't changed much in the last couple of weeks (26-27 pretty steady), so the docs are much calmer about things. It also helps that Sadie, our doula, is very helpful in sifting throught the numbers and giving us the reality check (which is that their estimates are crude guesses at best, so don't give them more weight than they are due!)

Cody and I had a fun adventure after the ultrasound test today. It might be our last hurrah just the two of us for a long while. We spent the day at OMSI together playing and then went to watch an IMAX movie together about the Hubble telescope. It was Cody's first "real" movie! He was a bit scared by how tall the theatre was and by the loudness of the audio track, especially during the launch sequences. But, I think he was in awe of all the cool space shuttle scenes and astronauts fixing the telescope in space. Definitely a day to remember!

Navigating the medical jungle - 37 weeks

2010-09-03T18:12:00.000-07:00

Two more tests this week and an overload of information about increased risks and what could be wrong. Combine that with a good bout of insomnia and that equals me being a total wreck! I am so thankful for my supportive friends, family, and doula. Without their kind words, I would be a lost cause.

So, the good news that I keep repeating over and over to myself is that our daughter is doing great and seems totally healthy and happy inside my belly. That is sooo very comforting.

The part that I am trying to process is that I continue to measure large for fluid. This last test went up significantly. I don't really know how accurate the measurements are, especially those done by different technicians. But, the number seemed to worry the OB at the ultrasound clinic and she launched into a whole laundry list of risks and possible problems that could be causing this condition. Because Cody was there (with Cynthia and Greta too), I held it together throughout her interpretation of the results.

As soon as we were out of the room, I called the midwife on call and totally lost it on the phone. I ended up in their office crying like a fountain. Thankfully, the midwives are so wonderful and comforting. She suggested that we just take this day by day. Today, they learned that my baby is just fine and so there is no risk to staying pregnant for a few more days. I'll go in for more testing on Tuesday and we'll go from there.

It's all very scary. I want to have this baby naturally, but I don't want to put her at increased risk by going that route. I hope to get a better handle on the risk levels of a VBAC with my "condition" at my next appt. Rowdy is starting to worry that I am too focused on a natural birth. I am completely confused. Trying to concentrate on my current job which is too get adequate sleep, clear my head and hopefully shed some of this anxiety so I can think clearer about the best way forward. I just wish everything was normal.......

De Ja Vu - 36 weeks

2010-08-27T17:34:00.000-07:00

Had a growth ultrasound today to estimate how big our little girl is. Drum roll please.... estimate is 7 pounds, 6 ounces. That was slightly lower than my fears, so I was actually relieved. It was neat to see her moving around and opening and closing her mouth. She seems very healthy and even has cute little round cheeks.

Unfortunately, my fluid level was also measuring above average (just like with Cody), so our midwives want to monitor her more closely every week to make sure everything is OK. That means a non-stress test and growth ultrasound every week. Ugh. I fear that will be too much information that could be used to insert doubt about whether I can birth our daughter naturally. I trust our midwives, so I'm trying to process what I have learned from them and stay positive about the tests that they feel are a good idea. However, I feel like this situation is all too familiar and it is hard not to remember how the same scenario played out at the end of my first pregnancy.

Thankfully our doula, Sadie, is helping me remain calm and focused on a natural childbirth. She believes in me and my body to birth my daughter. I will double my efforts to make sure I am doing what I can to help encourage labor. I think the key is going to be getting baby to drop lower despite the fluid, so that she can help get things moving toward a natural labor. Fingers crossed....

One month and counting! - 36 weeks

2010-08-26T07:13:00.000-07:00

This is all starting to seem very real......
Our little baby girl is going to emerge into the wide wide world very soon. And because our midwives think she is on the big side of average, they would prefer her not to delay like her big brother. I have started ramping up all my efforts to help my body get ready for this process. I've been for accupuncture twice already and am drinking raspberry tea again (memories of the gallons I drank trying to encourage Cody to swim toward the light!), plus the evening primrose oil and lots of exercise. You can't say I'm not trying!

Growth ultrasound tomorrow morning to see how big they THINK she is. Always with a grain of salt, considering they were off by over 1.5 pounds with Cody's estimate. But, I fear the estimate will be large again. Even though I've still only gained 22 pounds (within my target!), my belly is measuring bigger than average by over 3 cm.

Well, I know for sure she is a strong one - I can feel it! She has a little move that I affectionately call the "doorknob" - where she sticks out a bony bit as far as she can and then rotates it around like she is searching for something (the exit door perhaps?). It is SO bizarre to watch from the outside. The knob sticks straight out of my belly over an inch!

Cody is very affectionate and protective of his little sister these days. He sings to her and hugs her and gives her lots of kisses and sherberts. He loves to feel her kick and seems genuinely impatient to meet her. I sure hope that lasts!

Now my big challenge is to actually get ready for a new baby to come into our house. I am beginning to nest and have acquired almost everything that I think we need as far as STUFF. It's the organizing and arranging part that I haven't done much of yet. Perhaps this weekend I will be inspired to kick it into high gear. At least packing a hospital bag would be a good idea!

Beach Therapy - 31 weeks

2010-07-22T07:08:00.000-07:00

Just back from a beach vacation in Pacific City with mom and Lori. It was exactly what the doctor ordered - lots of sleep, yummy food, puzzles (the grown up kind!), Carcassone, and frolicking on the beach. We relaxed alot and played with Cody. He was in heaven! Climbing to the top of the dune at Cape Kiwanda was a big highlight. I can't believe he made it that high. Or me with my big belly for that matter!

Mom, Lori and I splurged on a day of shopping in Lincoln City. I got lots of clothes to help me feel a little pretty pregnant for the rest of the summer. Might be a wee bit extravagant, but I am soooo happy to have new bras and clothes that actually fit me and my baby bump. It puts me in a better mood. That's my justification, so there.

Came home to a whole new kitchen. Rowdy orchestrated new counter tops, sink, and re-finished cabinets to happen while we were out of town. It looks lovely. I am still in shock that the black and white geofunk pattern is actually gone! It took us 8 years to do what we swore we would do before we ever moved in, but we finally staked our claim to our house officially by getting rid of those crazy counters! Wahoo!!

Just the moon and me - 28 weeks

2010-06-27T00:02:00.000-07:00

I'm awake waaaay too late, buying cloth diapers by the light of the moon. It might be strange to love cloth diapers so much, but hey - that's who I am! I love the sweet little girl prints and am a total sucker for super soft newborn diapers. I am trying not to spend a ton of money (we did buy enough to diaper Cody after all!), but I want a few special diapers that are soft and girly just for her. So sue me. :)

Oh sleep, where are you? - 26 weeks

2010-06-16T04:10:00.000-07:00

Up at 4 AM again. Can't sleep. Brain won't shut off. Making lists for work, for our weekend trip to the San Juans, for Cody and Rowdy's birthdays coming up, for the baby... I guess there is a lot going on! It didn't help that I forgot to eat protein for dinner and woke up hungry in the middle of the night.

I was in the field for work last week and it was awesome to be back in the mountains again. We did a southeastern Oregon tour and it was so lush and green, due to the late snow melt this year. We even got snowed on just outside of Lakeview! I was the team lead, so I was usually up late planning for the next day and didn't sleep nearly enough. Definitely put me back into my old role, and I appreciated feeling needed. We got a huge amount done. But, I pretty much collapsed when I got home on Friday. It was great to go to yoga and reconnect with the little baby girl inside me.

She is so active these days! I get lots of kicks in my ribs, some of which make me stop what I'm doing and pay attention. She also likes to dance right on top of my bladder, which is a bizarre and uncomfortable feeling. I am definitely thankful for all the movement though, because I have confidence that she is growing and happy in there. Hopefully she likes all the sherbets and kisses she gets from her big brother. :)

Back ouch! - 24 weeks

2010-06-05T23:30:00.000-07:00

Holy cow my back hurts! It is mostly my fault, because I keep spending hours walking on concrete and then feel paralyzed by the pain in my lower back afterward. With my wierd schedule this last week, it has been hard to stick to my exercise routine that was really working before. I know it will be good for me to get back to it though. Tomorrow I am going for a massage and I literally can't wait!!

Can't hide my belly anymore! - 24 weeks

2010-06-03T20:51:00.000-07:00

It's official - I can't hide the baby bump any longer. Even though I've still only gained 9 pounds, my round belly and pregnancy "waddle" stride give me away every time. I find myself resting my hand on my belly alot. It's reassuring to me - almost like I feel like I am protecting my little girl inside.

She is so active now that I feel like I am getting to know her little by little. She likes super spicy food just like me (I can't get enough of it these days - nothing is too spicy for me!) and she is often most in the mood to move around in the evening and just as I am going to bed. Rowdy even got to feel her move for the first time last week. I loved watching his eyes light up as he felt her move under his hand. It is definitely no less magical the second time around.

In with the pink, out with blue! - 23 weeks

2010-05-30T21:01:00.000-07:00

Mom is in town this week and we went shopping for our first baby girl clothes. It was so fun to get to pick out sweet soft outfits in a whole new palette of colors. I'm not a frilly person, so we steered clear of lace and ruffles. But we found some really great baby girl outfits at our village consignment shop and at Janie and Jack - even a few organic clothes too!

So, to make room for the new girl clothes, we came home and sorted through ALL of Cody's baby clothes. It took forever because we had to say "awwww... remember this one?" and "oh - I always loved him in this!". We kept alot of the clothes - anything we could possibly imagine dressing a girl in. But there is a lot we need to sell or give away too. I hope some other little boy will love them as much as we have.

It's a girl!!!

2010-05-07T20:36:00.000-07:00

We got a glimpse of our little girl today. She was just perfect. I immediately burst into tears when they told us we were having a girl. In my heart, I felt like I knew already, but the confirmation of that was such a wonderful and overwhelming feeling. And such a huge relief to see that everything was growing just as it should be. She behaved so differently than Cody did during the same scan. She was moving gracefully most of the time, but wasn't fighting the wand like Cody did. He kicked at it so hard and made things a wee bit difficult as I remember. So, perhaps she will be our cooperator??

Cody got to come with us for the ultrasound experience. I was so glad that he was there. He behaved very well and munched his snack while mesmerized by all the images of his little sister on the big screen. There were so many "buppeens" on the control panel and they GLOWED - so he thought the ultrasound tech had the best job on the planet I'm sure. She printed out a 3D photo of his sister's face for him to see. Maybe that made it just a little more real to him.

I am so happy to know finally. And I am so glad that we get to experience raising both a boy and a girl. I'm definitely nervous about raising a girl - perhaps because it just seems harder to be a girl than a boy to me. If she is a girly girl, we are definitely in trouble. I sure hope she will like playing outside and getting her knees dirty. It comes with the family!!

Tomorrow's The Big Day! - 20 weeks

2010-05-06T22:49:00.001-07:00

We're all excited for the big ultrasound tomorrow. Cody has been waiting for the day when he gets to see pictures of the baby (and he's hoping for photos of the birth canal as well - hmm.....). I hope that all goes well. This little one is certainly ramping up the cartwheels these days. I will be very relieved to finally know whether we have a girl or boy gymnast. I know that I'll be happy either way. Part of me will be sad just to know, because it's been fun to dream about both futures.....

Pool Class Rocks! - 20 weeks

2010-05-05T20:48:00.000-07:00

Tried out the prenatal pool workout at Providence Portland last night. It's in a therapy pool that is awesomely WARM. It was a glorious experience. It felt so good to float in the warm water with 30 other pregnant women. A lot of maternal energy in that room! I was surprised at how aerobic the workout was - it's tiring to move alot of water with hands and feet. Shwew.

First Prenatal Yoga - 20 weeks

2010-05-02T17:28:00.000-07:00

Ouch. Ouch. Double ouch.

I went to a prenatal yoga class at Yoga Shala yesterday. It felt really cool to be in the room with so much positive baby energy. And one of the regulars brought her new baby to class, even though she had been at yoga just one week ago with her baby still inside! Two mamas had gone into labor after yoga last week. Made me think it was definitely a good thing to take yoga. It was a bit sobering to see that tiny little girl though. Wow - the reality of what is coming hit home. Will I remember how to take care of such a helpless little baby??

We did a move that involved staying in "horse" for a couple of minutes while breathing through the pain. I was feeling great, so I just kept breathing to see how long I could stay there. Then I went home and planted a bunch of rock garden flowers down by the creek, which required some strange yoga-like positions to keep from falling in the creek. By the time I came inside, I could hardly move my body. I passed out and slept until dinner time. Guess I overdid it!

Today I am soooo very sore all over. Took a long walk with Amy to try and loosen up. It helped a little. Maybe next time, I won't be so darned stubborn! I'm definitely going to keep going though. I might even go to a prenatal water aerobics class this week too. Seems like staying in shape and bonding with other bellied mamas is a good thing.

Maternity Shirt Debut - 18 weeks

2010-04-17T17:41:00.000-07:00

Feeling like I'm starting to get a belly. Funny that in the morning I can still totally fit into my pre-preggo jeans, but by evening my waistline has expanded! I often come home with unbuttoned pants. A lovely look I'm sure.

So, for Rafa's 2-year old b-day party, I decided to wear a maternity top for the first time. I felt a little sheepish, because I don't have an obvious belly just yet. But what the heck. Nobody made fun anyway.

Still haven't gained any weight - 17 weeks

2010-04-13T17:47:00.000-07:00

Well, the scales finally made it back to my pre-pregnancy weight today. I lost about 4 pounds during my nauseous first trimester, and know I've gained them back. Still fitting into my "skinny" jeans though, which admittedly feels kinda good. Waiting for the belly to come and make this all seem more real....

First Flutters!! - 17 weeks

2010-04-11T22:25:00.000-07:00

I feel our baby move for the first time tonight! It was so light, I had to really concentrate to feel it. It's kind of like a internal tickle on my organs. Such a sweet feeling. Glad our little one is having a good time in there. I feel relief every time I feel a flutter. It's my reminder that all is well.

Strange blood test - 15 weeks

2010-03-26T17:20:00.000-07:00

Our midwife called today and told me my blood test came back with an abnormal result. Apparently my platelet count is too low. It is a condition called Thrombocytopenia and it occurs in 7-8% of pregnancies. My count was just over 100k, and normal is at least 150k. She said not to worry about it and that chances are everything would fine, but they'll need to monitor my blood more often. Gag! I hate having my blood taken. Darned "difficult" veins.

Here's the webpage I found that described it:
http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/272867-overview

Not worrying. Not worrying. Not worrying.

I could get used to this - 14 weeks

2010-03-20T17:06:00.000-07:00

It's been a wonderful RELAXING vacation. I was a little skeptical about how well Rowdy and I would do on a vacation that wasn't filled with adventure. But, I needn't have worried. Mom helped out alot by upgrading us to the oceanfront condo suite. It was AMAZING. Our wraparound deck had an uninterrupted view of the ocean, so we spent much of our time hanging out on in comfy chairs oohing and aahing at the whale show. They were constantly playing and spouting and splashing about, and we were all in awe of them. Well, except Cody, who spent most of his time happily playing with buckets and shovels and running from one end of the deck to the other with his favorite green bucket on his head. :)

Rowdy and I had a lovely date day - we took a sailboat trip out to Molokini and went snorkeling with the fishies and turtles. The crew totally pampered us and we felt very lucky to have a beautiful calm day and no worries. Thanks Mom and Lori!!

Cody got much more comfortable in the water while we were there. Rowdy took him for a swim lesson in the condo pool each day and by the last day he was confident enough to go in the ocean. He wore a life vest, which helped him keep his head above water. I think he liked being independent and being able to kick his way across the pool.

I let all my rules about watching videos slide for the airplane trip (non-stop - out and back). We rented a video player and Cody was mesmerized by it. The flights were virtually painless because of it. Sweeeet.

Hawaii Here We Come! - 13 weeks

2010-03-13T16:56:00.000-08:00

Mom and Lori are here and we're off to Maui in the morning! We spent the day getting our toes and suitcases ready. Cody's been running around the house in his life jacket pretending to dive and swim with the fishies. His way of preparing for vacation I suppose. :)

Perfect timing for a warm sunny vacation. My nausea is all but gone now. I'm starting to get a real appetite back. And I haven't officially grown out of my cute summer clothes yet, so this is my last chance to enjoy them! Can't wait to relax on the beach and bury my toes in the sand....

Swish swish swish....

2010-02-25T17:03:00.000-08:00

Oh what a beautiful sound!! I burst into tears as soon as I heard it. Cried so hard the midwife couldn't listen to the hearbeat anymore. She gave me a hug instead. Guess I was more anxious that I even knew. SOoooo relieved that all is well with our little baby in me.

Starting to see the light - 10 weeks

2010-02-23T16:55:00.000-08:00

Feeling more human these days. It's been a rough month full of queasy and zombie. The Vancouver Olympics have been awesome - I have just enough energy to curl up at the end of the day and watch Apollo Ohno skate like a mad man around a little icy oval. Most of the time I pass out around 9pm, so Rowdy will gently nudge me when my favorites are up to compete. Sometimes, he literally has to nudge me every 20 seconds, even when the action is super exciting. It's very sweet.

Cody is pretty challenging these days. He is strong minded and is testing all fronts to see where he can get away with orneriness. It is exhausting some days just to get him out of bed, pottied, dressed, and fed. If only he could see how much more time there would be for fun stuff if he didn't drag his feet so painfully for all the boring stuff!

I go in on Thursday for my first appt with the midwives. I'm definitely nervous and excited. It will make all this seem much more real (and worth it!) if they can pick up a heartbeat. I know not to get my hopes set on it, but it's hard not to. After that we can start letting our little secret out of the bag....

Food is evil and irresistible - 8 weeks

2010-02-06T16:29:00.000-08:00

Aggh. Food is not my friend. I was all determined to continue my healthy diet through pregnancy, but I wasn't counting on how much my body would desire (or despise) different types of food. It's like trying to control a puppy. I am constantly thinking of food, but thinking of food makes me feel ill. So, anything that doesn't make me turn green when I think of it, I rush to find it and feed the monster (me). So far, the spicier the better. And salty - that's OK too. But a bowl full of veggies - no way. Alas, I am trying to stay with my exercise program so that I don't feel guilty for the spicy burrito that I crave. Such a strange dance!

Other than that, I am feeling exhausted and nauseous in the mornings and evenings, and occasionally in between. So, pretty good all around.

I feel a small weight in my belly - like a presence that is different from the rest. I definitely feel it when I do abs work or yoga. Even on our bike ride today (which was awesome), I could feel an intensity in my belly while I was riding. It's cool to think that already my body is making room for a tiny little being to grow.

I'm trying to enjoy many of the things I won't be able to do easily soon. Rough house with Cody, read him books while cuddled up close, get yummy back rubs from Rowdy while lying on my belly, etc. Soon, my belly will be growing.....

Hoping all is well - 6 weeks

2010-01-24T14:36:00.000-08:00

I have the urge to write again. Funny that pregnancy does that to me. I guess because it is such a mysterious and extraordinary process, and because my body is changing hourly and I can hardly keep up. Right now, in this first week since we found out, it all seems so new and exciting and SECRET! I feel like it must be written all over my face, but somehow I manage to say "Life is good. Nothing much going on" with a straight face. Maybe I'm a horrible liar and folks are just kind to not pry any farther.

I'm feeling tired alot. Exhausted really. For some reason, when I need sleep the most, I wake up in the night with an overactive brain and can't get the rest that I need. Other than that, I am feeling pretty good. Not much nausea or aches yet. Sometimes, I wish for more symptoms, so reassure me that this is real.

Cody and I have been weighing ourselves in the morning recently. The scale went down to a level I haven't seen in many years this morning. It is bittersweet for me. I am proud that I have been dedicated to getting in better shape and feeling healthy these past few months. But, I need to start reversing my mindset and trying to have a very healthy pregnancy, which will mean watching the scale go up and being glad for what that means. It will be a hard transition. I love my new clothes. I love things not being tight. But, I want to remember this feeling, so that I have the determination to get back here again someday. I have done it once, I can do it again after having a healthy, fit pregnancy. My new mantra.

I am enjoying my simple moments with Cody more now. Playing snow plow with the big comforter (I get to be the foundation, laying flat on my belly while Cody "drives" with all the pillows piled on top of me) or playing 20 rounds of dominos by the fire. They are all precious and I want to savor these easy times with him. Life is going to get a lot more complicated very soon. I hope he will thank us someday...