Swish swish swish....

Oh what a beautiful sound!! I burst into tears as soon as I heard it. Cried so hard the midwife couldn't listen to the hearbeat anymore. She gave me a hug instead. Guess I was more anxious that I even knew. SOoooo relieved that all is well with our little baby in me.

Starting to see the light - 10 weeks

Feeling more human these days. It's been a rough month full of queasy and zombie. The Vancouver Olympics have been awesome - I have just enough energy to curl up at the end of the day and watch Apollo Ohno skate like a mad man around a little icy oval. Most of the time I pass out around 9pm, so Rowdy will gently nudge me when my favorites are up to compete. Sometimes, he literally has to nudge me every 20 seconds, even when the action is super exciting. It's very sweet.

Cody is pretty challenging these days. He is strong minded and is testing all fronts to see where he can get away with orneriness. It is exhausting some days just to get him out of bed, pottied, dressed, and fed. If only he could see how much more time there would be for fun stuff if he didn't drag his feet so painfully for all the boring stuff!

I go in on Thursday for my first appt with the midwives. I'm definitely nervous and excited. It will make all this seem much more real (and worth it!) if they can pick up a heartbeat. I know not to get my hopes set on it, but it's hard not to. After that we can start letting our little secret out of the bag....

Food is evil and irresistible - 8 weeks

Aggh. Food is not my friend. I was all determined to continue my healthy diet through pregnancy, but I wasn't counting on how much my body would desire (or despise) different types of food. It's like trying to control a puppy. I am constantly thinking of food, but thinking of food makes me feel ill. So, anything that doesn't make me turn green when I think of it, I rush to find it and feed the monster (me). So far, the spicier the better. And salty - that's OK too. But a bowl full of veggies - no way. Alas, I am trying to stay with my exercise program so that I don't feel guilty for the spicy burrito that I crave. Such a strange dance!

Other than that, I am feeling exhausted and nauseous in the mornings and evenings, and occasionally in between. So, pretty good all around.

I feel a small weight in my belly - like a presence that is different from the rest. I definitely feel it when I do abs work or yoga. Even on our bike ride today (which was awesome), I could feel an intensity in my belly while I was riding. It's cool to think that already my body is making room for a tiny little being to grow.

I'm trying to enjoy many of the things I won't be able to do easily soon. Rough house with Cody, read him books while cuddled up close, get yummy back rubs from Rowdy while lying on my belly, etc. Soon, my belly will be growing.....

Hoping all is well - 6 weeks

I have the urge to write again. Funny that pregnancy does that to me. I guess because it is such a mysterious and extraordinary process, and because my body is changing hourly and I can hardly keep up. Right now, in this first week since we found out, it all seems so new and exciting and SECRET! I feel like it must be written all over my face, but somehow I manage to say "Life is good. Nothing much going on" with a straight face. Maybe I'm a horrible liar and folks are just kind to not pry any farther.

I'm feeling tired alot. Exhausted really. For some reason, when I need sleep the most, I wake up in the night with an overactive brain and can't get the rest that I need. Other than that, I am feeling pretty good. Not much nausea or aches yet. Sometimes, I wish for more symptoms, so reassure me that this is real.

Cody and I have been weighing ourselves in the morning recently. The scale went down to a level I haven't seen in many years this morning. It is bittersweet for me. I am proud that I have been dedicated to getting in better shape and feeling healthy these past few months. But, I need to start reversing my mindset and trying to have a very healthy pregnancy, which will mean watching the scale go up and being glad for what that means. It will be a hard transition. I love my new clothes. I love things not being tight. But, I want to remember this feeling, so that I have the determination to get back here again someday. I have done it once, I can do it again after having a healthy, fit pregnancy. My new mantra.

I am enjoying my simple moments with Cody more now. Playing snow plow with the big comforter (I get to be the foundation, laying flat on my belly while Cody "drives" with all the pillows piled on top of me) or playing 20 rounds of dominos by the fire. They are all precious and I want to savor these easy times with him. Life is going to get a lot more complicated very soon. I hope he will thank us someday...